The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Randomize
