You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
