the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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