I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
