She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
