Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
