i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
