Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
