He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
