The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Randomize
