she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
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