Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
