if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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