I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
