i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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