I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Randomize
