spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
