Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
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