Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
