Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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