Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
