You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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