Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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