I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Can you bring me the toilet please
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Randomize
