he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
