Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Randomize
