just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
literally had 100 drinks last night.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Randomize
