Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
