a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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