just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
