i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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