I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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