there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
