the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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