I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
