I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
