does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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