you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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