Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize
