Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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