i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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