so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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