38 yer olds are good kisserssss
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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