omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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