Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
