No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I love you. Go after that dick
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Randomize