Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Randomize
