Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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