I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
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