He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
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