Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
