I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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