Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I believe in your delicious
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
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