Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
