the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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