Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
