I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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