just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Do vagina's smell?
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
