..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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