Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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