mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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