I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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