she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
