BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
