Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
