oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
