dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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