I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
